Steelmanning:

The Negotiator’s Secret Weapon

By Felix Herman

Associate Trainer

December 1, 2025

At Rational Games, we advise negotiators across industries in the public and private sectors, both in internal and external negotiation best practices. 

The sentence: “No, you don’t understand …!” is the most common objection we hear, often stalling or breaking down conversations that could otherwise focus on salient issues and drive value.

Thankfully, there is a simple technique with outsized returns skillful negotiators use to overcome this: Steelmanning

Steelmanning is the deliberate practice of restating an opponent’s argument in its strongest, clearest, and most persuasive form before responding.

It’s the opposite of the straw man: instead of misrepresenting a position to knock it down, you build it up - sometimes even better than the other person did - then engage.

It’s more than just “playing back” the other side’s view, it is intellectually challenging yourself to fully engage with and perhaps even improve on your counterpart’s argument as best as possible. In negotiations and conflict resolution, that simple shift in approach transforms adversaries into collaborators and clarifies the real issues at stake.

How it’s used best in negotiations. Used well, steelmanning does three things:

• It signals respect, reduces defensiveness, and reveals genuine points of disagreement.

• A negotiator listens actively, reconstructs the other side’s priorities and worries (security, reputation, money, timing, etc.), and presents that reconstruction aloud for confirmation.

• That validation often opens space for honest trade-offs: once people feel understood, they stop defending rhetorical positions and start solving practical problems.

Steelmanning is not a concession

Important: steelmanning is not the same as conceding. You’re not saying you agree or giving ground; you’re demonstrating you understand the logic and values behind the other side’s stance - sometimes articulating it even more compellingly. That communicates intellectual honesty and makes your counterproposal more persuasive, because it shows your alternative responds directly to the other side’s strongest concerns while still defending your preferred outcome.

Steelmanning is not a performance

Steelmanning is not some kind of “secret manipulation technique”. At RGI, we don’t believe in techniques that require intellectual or ethical flexibility, not least because once discovered, relationships and reputations are usually ruined for the next negotiation.

Steelmanning is a technique that can be openly announced. In fact, “let me steelman this for a minute …” is a sentence we hear spoken by skilled negotiators a lot. However, caution is still advised. Even honest attempts at representing the other side’s point of view can come across as a theatrical performance if done in an exuberant manner, e.g. with overly flowery language and tone. The test for good steelmanning is that a clueless observer of the negotiation, who just entered the room, shouldn’t be able to tell that you stand on the other side of the issue.

Historical Examples High-stakes diplomacy offers many examples of steelmanning in action. At the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. negotiators treated Soviet moves as rational security calculations rather than inexplicable aggression; that charitable framing allowed Washington to craft terms (including quiet concessions) that resolved the standoff.

During the Camp David Accords, mediator Jimmy Carter repeatedly restated each leader’s fears and red lines so both Egypt and Israel felt heard, which helped produce mutually acceptable compromises.

In the Good Friday Agreement, mediators summarized identity-based fears and statutory needs of both communities in Northern Ireland, enabling compromise where blunt arguing had failed.

A simple step-by-step guide to try next time

1. Listen fully. Give the other side uninterrupted time; note their core concerns and constraints.

2. Ask one clarifying question. “Is your main worry X, or is it more about Y?” keeps you honest.

3. Reconstruct their strongest case. State it clearly and compactly: “Let me see if I’ve got this: your priority is… because…”

4. Invite correction. Ask, “Have I represented that fairly?” Refine until they say yes.

5. Acknowledge genuinely. A brief phrase like “I understand why that matters” reduces heat.

6. Respond from that place. Offer your counterargument or proposal framed to address the steelmanned concerns.

7. Repeat as needed. Use the same method for new sticking points.

Steelmanning is a small habit with outsized returns: it turns arguments into precise trade-offs, earns credibility, and often reveals creative solutions that raw advocacy misses.

Try it in your next negotiation (at the business table or with your spouse while negotiating the next holiday destination - who knows, you just might be surprised by the outcomes!

Want to sharpen your negotiation skills?

At Rational Games, we help negotiators across industries master techniques like steelmanning through tailored training and advisory services. Whether you're navigating high-stakes business deals, public sector challenges, or internal organizational conflicts, we can help you turn adversarial conversations into collaborative problem-solving.

Ready to transform how you negotiate? Get in touch to learn more about our programs, or explore our training offerings.